Steamy Romance by DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Warning: This story is not for children.

Mary Thromter was in her Escalade. She was in the back seat and her driver was taking her through the neighborhood. She did not frequently travel through this part of town.

Some men caught her eye. They were working men.

“Octavio stop the car.” She said. The car stopped and they were right next to a construction site. There were some heavily tanned men standing near the road.

Mary rolled down her window. “Hey you, come with me.” She pointed to one of the men and he did.

She opened the door and he got in the car. His skin was a deep tan from working in the son and he was wearing working boots.

“Drive Octavio.” Mary said. And the Escalade rolled on to its destination.

“So, what is your name cutie?”

The man spoke, “It’s Jim.”

“Oh Jim. That’s a beautiful name.” Mary purred.

“Thanks miss.” Said Jim.

“Just call me Mary.” As Mary spoke she flicked her hair out of her face and she shifted her legs.

“Well, where are we going Mary?” Asked Jim.

“Back to my place. It won’t be far now.” Said Mary.

They arrived at her estate. It was a huge house with a gate. They got out of the car and entered the home.

“Come Jim, we will go straight to the bedroom.” Said Mary.

“Fine with me.” said Jim.

They both entered her palatial bedroom. Mary moved to the bed and sat on it. She turned to Jim.

Mary looked at him with lust. “Come to me you dirty hard-working man.”

And he did. Their bodies came close together physically on the bed with the expensive sheets.

He took off his workman’s shirt and threw it to the floor. His body was muscular and strong.

“Oh yes! I like what I see.” Said Mary. Their mouths locked together as they kissed each other. They kissed with passion and even used their tongues.

Mary pulled back for a moment and looked at Jim. “Your french kiss is good like a tasty croissant.”

“Thank you.” Said Jim.

As they kissed, Jim used his hands to grab her breasts. He squeezed them firmly with his strong working hands.

“Not too hard Jim, my breasts are not cactus.” Mary moaned.

Things were getting exciting. Mary unleashed, “Oh take me you dirty working man! Give me your eggplant!”

Jim inserted his reproductive organ into her receiving hole and thrusted. He thrusted in, but also pulled out, but also went back in.

“Oh yes! Me Like-y! Me Like-y! Yowza!” Yelled Mary with her pleasure.

They both climaxed together and it was great.

As they lay in bed, Mary looked at Jim with joy. She said, “That was amazing Jim. If you want you can have a shower here and you can even have some food.”

Jim looked at her, “Do you have soap?” He looked towards the shower.

“I do.” Confirmed Mary.

“Fantastic.” Said Jim. His face revealed a smile as he had not showered with soap in over 3 days.

(The End)

Nuzlocke Challenge Biscuit (1)

I decided to embark on a Pokemon Nuzlocke challenge. They are self imposed rules designed to make the game tougher.  Rule 1) you can only catch the first pokemon you encounter in an area. If that pokemon faints then you can’t catch anymore until you reach a new area.   Rule 2) if your pokemon faints then it is dead.  Must go in the PC or get released.

My game of choice is Leaf Green for the Nuzlocke.

I chose Bulbasuar as the starter because he is good for the 1st 2 gyms but he is not powerful overall.

The first pokemon I caught was a Pidgey.

I was moving along and i was excited to encounter a Caterpie which I did catch.  I wanted this caterpie to blossom into a ButterFree so I could use it’s psychic moves.    Unfortunately, when he was a metapod he died.   My first casualty.

I moved my way through the game and my main 2 were my Bulbasaur and my Pidgey.  They soon evolved so they were Ivysaur and Pigeotto.   I was able to catch many Rattata and spearow.   Not lucky enough to encounter a Jigglypuff.     When I got to Cerulean city I ran into a Sandshrew which I caught!   I was pumped.  Sandshrew has great defense and Sandslash is a strong pokemon.

I continued to move through the game.   Ivysaur, Pigeotto, Sandslash, Geodude, Bellsprout.               My Sandslash made easy work of LT surge in Vermillion city.  I also caught a Diglett along the way.

I was able to battle my way through the dark cave, Pigeotto and Ivysaur doing most of the work.

My next blunder was when I entered Lavendar Town.   I should have trained my team a little bit more but I was feeling confident and I went to go fight my rival in the ghost tower.   His team was stronger than I thought and I did not have a good match up for his CHARMELEON!     I sent out my Sandslash to battle but little did I know his Charmeleon possessed the move “Metal Claw”    …. …..    Unfortunately, my Sandslash died in that battle.

I was hoping my Sandslash would stay with me for the long haul.

The game continues.   I still have my Ivysaur, Pigeotto, Machop (dark cave), Geodude, Bellsprout.

To be continued ……

Best Podcasts of 2019 (Must Listen)

Hello all fans,

The best podcast I have discovered without a doubt is the I HAD AN IDEA Podcast.  It is these two guys discussing funny business ideas.  It is super clever and really inspiring.

https://audioboom.com/channels/4991815

 

you can find the podcast on Audioboom as well as apple music and spotify.    They cover cool topics like “What if there was a support line for your pizza?” or “Should old people make money when they are in a Senior Home?”

It is a real gem and I feel this podcast is really on the rise!

Also, I do recommend This American Life and the James Altucher Podcast.

Thank you for all of your support.

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Pokemon Red Weak Team (Completed) (Chansey, Poliwrath, BeeDrill)

My challenge has been completed. On June 2nd I was able to defeat the Elite four and my rival (named Blue). It was my PIGEOT that dealt the final blow to his level 65 Venusaur.

My team before I made the attempt was:

LEVEL 62 GYRADOS

LEVEL 42 POLIWRATH

LEVEL 37 CHANSEY

LEVEL 51 PIDGEOT

LEVEL 37 OMANYTE

LEVEL 28 BEE DRILL

 

(I think it was a guy online or maybe on Quora who suggested this weak team).  Nobody on my team knew how to use: Earthquake, Thunderbolt, Ice Beam, Blizzard, or any Psychic moves.  Also no TRI ATTACK and NO  rock slide.   My team really did not have that much HITTING POWER.

My main pokemon were the GYRADOS and the PIDGEOT! They were able to deal damage.  Once I evolved my Poliwhirl into POLIWRATH then he became more useful as well.    BEE DRILL was kind of useless most of the game.  And Chansey really is not that great.

I used GYRADOS to beat most of the Elite Four.  it knew Hyper Beam which I upped to 7 PP.     Lorelei has a tricky team if you don’t have  a good electric pokemon, she was a tough first hurdle.   Fighting Bruno was pretty easy, just need water moves and flying moves.

Agatha was tough because her team used lots of CONFUSING moves so that was annoying.  LUCKILY, in this game only NORMAL type moves don’t hit ghosts, so I could still use fighting type moves and flying type moves and bug moves to hit them.  So I actually did use BEE DRILL and Chansey and Pidgeot to beat her team.

LANCE was super easy, I used my Poliwrath on his dragons and they would not attack they only wanted to use AGILITY.   And then his D R A G O N I T E was easy to kill I could use Poliwrath and BEE DRILL.  (THE AI in Gen 1 is pretty stupid in general).

and my rival was not that difficult.  I was able to one shot his ALAKAZAM by having my Gryados use BITE. so that was great.

HONESTLY, the first one, Lorelei, was the toughest because they had good stats and I did not have any super effective moves to hit with.

It was a grind for sure but I am glad I could complete the challenge (which I placed on myself).

I hope the good people of the world will continue to enjoy playing pokemon, especially Gen 1 and Gen 2 games (they are my favorites).

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Fathers and Sons

A tale by DJ ROBO BISCUIT 

I did not know my father growing up, but I did know he was a bad man.  It was tough growing up without my dad around.  And my mom was loving but also full of peculiarities.   Somedays she loved me and somedays she seemed to despise me.  But I don’t blame her.   She is one of many moms put in that strange predicament.  She was a warrior.  But you could still see her trauma.

In 2018, there were 4 million births; there were 90,000 rapes; and 4,000 reported babies caused by rape.   Those numbers changed greatly.  Here in the year 2035 we have 5 million births, 100,000 rapes and 50,000 babies born from rape.  Ever since they banned the abortions, the numbers have been going up.

And that is me, a “rape baby.”  It happened one night, in a dark alley, my dad got her.  She has told me that she had wished could abort but it was illegal.  But she also told me she was glad she had me.  Sometimes it is confusing!  And she would always mention the “Good ol’ days” when women were allowed to abort.

Tuesday nights I have my RBA meetings.  Rape Baby Anonymous.  Many of the guys and girls there are my age.  We were part of the “first wave” of rape babies.  We sit around and stare at each other.  We talk about it.   What it is like to not know our fathers, but of course to know he was a rapist.  Many of our moms are in rough shape, they are tough but many of them still have some trauma from the rape.  None of us know our dads.

But one day I decided to do something about it.   It was time for a DNA test.  Believe it or not, the government has initiatives to help kids find their fathers.

The results came back, and guess what?  I have 2 brothers!   They live in different states but it’s amazing to know I am not an only child.  One of them lives in New York City and the other lives in Orlando.  I guess dad was able to move around huh?

And of course, the results showed me my dad: Anthony Pelbis.    It’s a weird last name, Pelbis.   And my dad is locked up, but not for rape.  Looks like he was locked up for Burglary.  I guess good ol’ dad was a career criminal.   He was in prison only one state away.  I asked Mom, but she didn’t want to see him.

I drove to the prison.  I wanted to meet my father.

I sit down in front of the glass and grab the phone.  He is not very tall but he is strong.  He has a big nose and he has a large scar across his cheek which is very distinctive.   I know he is not a good guy but I can’t help but notice I do look like him.

“Well, I heard you were my son?”

“Hello Anthony, that is right.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to call me Dad or anything.  Unless you want to of course.  What’s your name?”

“My name is Albert.”

“Albert huh?  That is a fine name.   You know, you do kind of look like me!”

“How much do you know Anthony?”

“Oh about what?”

“About me and about mom?  And about your family?”

“Well, I know have at least one son, yourself.  And I don’t really have much family except for my brother.”

“Well actually Anthony, there are more of me.”

Anthony’s eyes widened.

“Yeah Dad, you are actually a father of three.  I have 2 other brothers.”

“Woah. That is crazy!”

“I guess you were a busy man many years ago.”

“You know Albert we all make mistakes, and now I am locked up.”

“Can you tell me anything about Mom?  From when she was younger.”

” You know son, I really can’t say much.  Me and your mom were intimate only one time and it was not on her terms.”

… … … …

END OF TALE

(DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Tale: Fruit Center Support

( Imagine a Call center)

A man picks up the phone.

Service Desk Man:  Good Morning!  Thank you for calling fruit center support!  This is Phillip.  How May I help you today?

Customer: Hey Phillip!  I am using my banana here and my friend is telling me I need to get this converted over to an apple.  Can you guys do that for me?

Service Desk Man:  I’m sorry ma’am.  I am afraid that is not a feature.  We are not able to convert your banana into an apple.

Customer: Well why not?!  I want it to do this!  This is time sensitive too.  It is really important that I get this banana turned into an apple as quickly as possible!

Service Desk Man:  Are you sure that your friend was not talking about apple slices or maybe apple sauce?

Customer: Yes!  I am 100% sure!  I need this banana converted into an apple!

Service Desk Man: I’m sorry ma’am. But it is not designed to do that.  We can’t convert the banana into an apple for you.

Customer: Okay! Well then I need to speak to your manager.

(The customer gets sent over to the manager and the customer complains)

Service Desk Manager:  We are so sorry for all of the trouble ma’am.  We are going to create an escalation request for your need to convert this banana to an apple.   Someone from our team will reach out to you with the next steps.

( 4 days pass by )

ring ring ring!

Service Desk Man:  Fruit center support!  This is Phillip!

Customer:  It has been 4 days and I have not heard from anybody!  I really need your team to get this banana turned into an apple.

(The Service Desk Man reads over the notes of the Escalation ticket on his screen)

Service Desk Man: I am very sorry ma’am but based on the notes here on your escalation ticket I only have bad news.  Our team has come to the conclusion that there is no way to convert your banana into an apple.  The only workaround is to purchase an apple.

Customer (yelling):  This is crazy!  What do I even pay you guys for?!?!    (customer slams the phone down)

( Customer then sends an angry email to their fruit sales rep and the fruit sales rep apologized profusely and waved the cost of their fruit.)

END OF STORY

 

(This story is based on true events)

Feel free to share with your friends, especially any of the ones who work in call centers!

Pokemon Red Weak Team Challenge (UPDATE MARCH)

Hello All,

My Pokemon Red challenge continues.  I have faced some difficulty as the game progresses.  My team is: Gyrados, PIGEOT, Poliwhirl, Haunter, BEEDRILL, and CHANSEY.

My team is being carried by Gyrados and PIGEOT.  they are both near Level 40. My BEE DRILL is incredibly weak and Chansey is also pretty low level.  Both near level 20.    It will take forever to level them up but I can’t beat the game only using Gyrados and PIGEOT.

Keep in mind I can’t use really good moves like: Ice beam, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Earthquake, etc etc.    Especially Ice Beam and Thunderbolt.   You can beat this game quite easily if you have like a Zapdos with Thunderbolt and a Vaporeon or Lapras or Blastoise with Ice beam.                    At the moment my team lacks any kind of power in regards to electricity or fire or grass.           G Y R A DOS has water moves like surf and bubble beam and it has Bite and Dragon Rage.   Pigeot just has normal and flying moves. Anyway, my team is quite fragile right now If I lose the two main ones then I go down pretty fast.      with Chansey, Chansey is like a “tank” so I am going to let Chansey have TOXIC and REST and seismic toss.  I’m hoping that Chansey will help give me an edge.   And I think BEE DRILL will be kind of useless.       This team was just recommended to me by a guy online when I asked for a weak team to try to beat the game with.

I recently got the EXP ALL.  That was difficult as I needed to get some more pokemon, needed 50 to get the item.  It will still take forever to level up at this speed.

So right now, I have the badge from Koga.  Need 3 more badges.   But I worry that my team will definitely be TOO WEAK by the time I get to the Elite Four.

But you know, I guess I must try!

The original recommendation was to have a Persian.  But there is no MEOWTH in Pokemon Red so I decided to go with Haunter which would help me to capture pokemon.

But of course, if people online think Haunter is too powerful I can always get a weaker pokemon.

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

LIFE FIGHT (A story)

A story by DJ ROBO BISCUIT

The two office men meet each other by the water cooler.

“How is it going Bob?  You had a good night?”

“Hey Mike! Ya I sure did.  Pretty fun night. Yourself?”

“Real good.  Did you watch the fights last night?”

“Oh man!  They were crazy!  How about Jenkins?”

“That Jenkins guy is a tough S.O.B for sure!  Can’t believe he got past that other guy.”

“Oh yeah man.  That was definitely an upset for sure.  Do you think he will go all the way?”

“I don’t know mate.  The competition is pretty fierce.  Those men, they fight like animals.”

“Well they have a lot to fight for.”

“True that my friend!”

The two men separate and go back to their cubes.

 

Cage match.  The arena is is a cage match with cameras and microphones surrounding it.  The two men are on opposite sides of the cage.  They wear athletic shorts (no pockets) and nothing else.  Their hands are empty and their feet are bear.

Commentator: Alright folks We got a real nice match on our hands tonight! Omar Jenkins in the right corner.  He stands at 5 foot 10 inches tall weighing in at 180 pounds.  He killed a whole family while they slept.     In the left corner we have Andrew Rice.  He stands at 6 feet tall and 170 pounds.  Andrew strangled his boss at work and then beat him to death.

Other Commentator:  Hey man, we have all felt that way at one time or another!  And this Rice guy just had the nuts to follow through.  And here we are tonight!

Commentator:  Exactly right!  These two men are in the fight of their lives tonight!  Two men are entering the ring and only one will live.  This is Life Fight!

Ding ding ding!   (The fight starts)

Commentator:   There is the bell and the fight is on!  Both men throwing punches at each other.  I’m giving a slight edge to Jenkins, I bet he has the speed!

Other Commentator:  Bold prediction my friend.  Rice does have the height advantage in this one.

Commentator:   Boom! Jenkins delivering a strong combo to Rice’s face.  Oh and Wow!  Rice delivers a hard kick right into the groin of Jenkins.

Other Commentator:  Remember folks there are no rules so that kick was 100% legal.

Commentator:  Jenkins is the on the ground right now and it looks like Rice is moving in for the headlock.

DING DING DING!

Commentator:  Saved by the bell!  That first two minutes goes by so fast.   The two fighters head back to their corners while we get a word from our sponsors!

Other Commentator: These fights have definitely been getting more popular.  I heard we were getting a look from Doritos AND Nike as well.

Commentator:  I’ll believe that when I see it.    Folks we are about to move into round 2 here, so if you have any small children watching then we just want to say that viewer discretion is advised.

DING DING DING!

Commentator:  And we are back! Rice moving in, but Jenkins fending him off with a punch to the head!  He backs off and the two fighters are circling.   Oh it’s that time!  They are dropping in the weapons!   Looks like Jenkins and Rice both have grabbed short swords.

Other Commentator:  Those are extra sharp.

Commentator: Oh here we go!  Rice moving in fast with a slash.   And Jenkins parries! OH! N—

(Jenkins slices rice hard across the stomach; opening him up.  Rice has his eyes wide open as he looks down at his stomach.  Jenkins sweeps the leg, taking Rice to the ground. Rice grabs at his open stomach wound.  Jenkins brings his sword down quickly and stabs Rice through the heart).

Commentator: Wow!  Game over for Rice!  An efficient kill by Jenkins!

Other Commentator:  Rest in peace to Rice!  And remember, that guy was a killer!

Commentator:   That is right! Kill or be killed in these fights!   Congrats to Omar Jenkins, he lives to fight another day!

 

(At the White House, the President gives a speech on the front lawn)

President:  Now I know there have been some complaints about the Life Fights.  But look, the people, they love them!  The ratings are going through the roof.  Millions of American are tuning in to check it out.

Reporter:  Mr. President, what about the concern many have of children watching the fights?

President:  That is a fair question.  I have already spoken with the different networks and we are going to have a TV-MA rating appear in the top left screen.  We are also making double sure that the commentators are giving fair warning that the battle could turn bloody.

Reporter:  Mr. President some of your critics have said it is truly unethical to have these men fight.  What do you say to that?

President: Unethical?  It is a ridiculous charge.  I am doing so much good.  These are men with no hope.  They are killers. I am giving them a second chance, a chance at redemption.   Win three fights and life is yours.  Never in History, has a President used the pardon so well.

Reporter:  Mr. President people around the country are becoming concerned that too many American are receiving the death penalty.  Can you comment on that?

President:  I am bringing law and order to this country.  Many of these men have made mistakes, terrible mistakes.  And I want to protect the people.  But unlike never before, these men can fight their way out.

 

(Fast Forward)

Commentator:  Alright folks! Here we are!  The deciding fight for Omar Jenkins!   We all saw him use his short sword to handle Rice.  And just two nights ago he was able to kill John Jeppers with his bare hands.   Will Omar have what it takes tonight as he takes on Nelson Minger?

Other Commentator: Nelson Minger is one tough cookie.  He had a lot of gang involvement before he robbed that bank and shot both security guards.  And he is 6 foot 3 inches tall with rumors of knowing some karate!

Commentator:  This is a huge night for the Life Fights.  The President himself is here in attendance just in case Omar Jenkins is able to win this fight.

(The two fighters battle it out and have a stalemate through the first round) 

Ding ding ding!

Commentator: Alright folks we are here in round two!  Oh, here comes the weapons!  Looks like they dropped in some small knives.   Jenkins and Minger both getting the knives.  And they are circling.

Other Commentator:  You can really feel the bloodlust in the air!

Commentator:  Oh! They are on the move! Oh looks like Minger managed to get a deep cut on Jenkins arm!  Okay and here goes Jenkins! WOAH!

(Jenkins moves in and slashes the knife hand of Minger.  It bleeds. He gets the knife out of the hand.  Jenkins get his hand around Minger’s throat.  He plunges the knife into his back and twists.  Minger’s eyes roll back into his head and he collapses on the ground)

Commentator:  Simply Amazing! Huge kill by Jenkins!

Other Commentator: Such cunning to slash the hand before going for the throat!

Commentator:  Folks!  Tonight hard work is going to pay off for Omar Jenkins!

(The President of the United States moves down to the ring with heavy security presence.  He is a given a microphone)

The President:   Good Evening everyone!  We have really been treated to an impressive display tonight.  And as you all can see, these killers are some real tough folks!   First of all I want to say Congratulations to Omar Jenkins!  Omar, you are one heck of a fighter.  Second of all, I want to thank you for your work.  You have killed three inmates over the past week.  All three of those men were on death row and you have saved this country time and money with your efforts. And finally, let’s get to my part of the deal.   By the powers vested in me as President of the United States I hereby remove the death penalty from your slate.  Effective immediately.  Your punishment is now being changed to a life sentence which you may live out in luxury at the Fighters Hotel.    To those of you watching me from Prison, I say to you, train hard!

 

(End of Story)

 

 

Loser Guy Makes Horror Film (Documentary)

Just finished watching “AMERICAN MOVIE” and it was very good.  It is about a filmmaker named Mark and his goal is to finish his movie.

“I am a failure.” is the opening line of the movie and our main guy is Mark.  He has big dreams to make his films and he does not want to “be a nothing.”    I think he earns his money as a newspaper delivery guy.

The film is really entertaining and as it progresses you really are cheering for Mark to finish his movie and it is kind of amazing how he has so much support from the people in town.

The dialogue is funny and you really can’t make it up.   It really shows all of the difficulties involved in making a short low budget film.

It is called “American Movie” from 1999.  It is definitely worth a watch if you enjoy learning about films and you like underdogs!

(His horror movie itself is not super amazing but this documentary is really good)

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Help Me Biscuit Followers!

I will keep this short and sweet.   I want to turn “Lemonade” into “Lemonade Boys”

I want to make a whole novel out of it, and it is easy for me to post small drafts here on my blog as I work on the story.

If you are a fan of Lemonade Boys please do let me know in the comment section or I also appreciate feedback on the story as well.

The more Feedback/Love/Support/Advice I can get on the story, the better as I work to make it and improve it.

Thank you to the followers of DJ ROBO BISCUIT!  I am a real person, I am not just a robot with a biscuit torso.

Thanks.

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT